Betrayal comes in many forms and is not limited to infidelity. Betrayal can involve hiding debt, constantly making promises that can't be kept or even being unreliable. At some point or another in your relationship, your significant other might feel betrayed based on an action that you might have thought to be insignificant. Before calling it quits, your relationship might still be savable if you know how to handle the storm that lies ahead. Couples counseling can be really beneficial, with marriage counseling, in particular, having a 70% to 80% success rate. While going through counseling to mend trust, here are 3 tips that can further help restore trust.
Be Careful Not to Lie or Appear Hidden
If you and your partner are attending counseling to try and restore trust, you definitely don't want to make things worst. The most important thing that you should do is to stop lying – even for things that you might consider to be insignificant or unimportant, as the smallest lie can have the biggest repercussions at the point of your relationship. Even if you know the truth might not be what your partner wants to hear, being honest will make you appear to be a more trustworthy person to your partner.
In addition to not lying, don't appear hidden. This means that you need to be more open. For example, take proactive steps to fill your partner in on the little details of your life. Don't give him or her the opportunity to imagine what may be happening, as imaginations can often spiral down the rabbit hole.
Always Underpromise and Overdeliver
Being a reliable partner to support your significant other at this period of time is important. In short, you don't want to make promises that you can't keep, as this will only further taint your partner's image of you. You'll look a lot more reliable by always underpromising and overdelivering. People make promises in order to achieve 4 goals: to create a sense of obligation, to regulate or moderate behavior and actions, to reduce uncertainty from the other party and, most importantly, to build trust.
Think of your promises like as if they are a debt. If you promise to do something, make sure you can deliver. For example, if you promise that you would pick up milk on your way home, set an alarm in your phone. While at the grocery store, you might want to pick up other necessities that your partner needs, like shampoo. Remember that promises come at a price. A study conducted by a Dutch researcher shows that broken promises significantly impact relationships, as broken promises often lead to feelings of revenge.
Validate Your Significant Other's Feelings Instead of Opposing Them
A mistake that is commonly made by the offending party is to put up defenses that will block any accusations that may come his or her way. Don't make your partner feel insignificant or feel as if his or her feelings are not worthy of your consideration by opposing any feelings expressed. Instead, you want to validate those feelings.
If you partner expresses discomfort with a certain topic, don't act defensive. While you might be tempted to tell him or her how irrational those feelings are, hold your tongue. Instead, empathize with those feelings. Let your partner know you understand why he or she feels that way. Further validate those feelings by coming up with solutions. For example, let's pretend that you offered to do some chores for your partner only to be met with negative backlash on how he or she feels that you are never reliable. Don't bring up all the times that you did do the chores. Instead, validate those feelings by telling your partner that you understand that you might have been unreliable in the past and perhaps come up with a schedule on when the chores will be finished.
Restoring trust in a relationship can be difficult after a serious betrayal; however, with the help of some counseling, you and your partner can overcome this hurdle. In fact, some couples may even feel that going through a betrayal has helped their relationship become even stronger, as they now know that how to better communicate with one another. In addition, by getting through this hurdle, you and your partner will know you can both work through almost anything together.Share